I belong to a very exclusive club. So exclusive, in fact, it only boasts three members. We have official meetings, roll calls and our own Facebook fan page, but we’re more than a club. We’re a lifestyle, a frame of mind, a movement, if you will.
We are Benetton.
If you paid attention to magazine ads in the late ’80s or commercials that came on during “The Cosby Show” then you fully understand which third of Benetton I represent, which third Asian Spice represents (hello!) and which third my blondest, bluest-eyed friend Knochers represents. I know, I know. There’s an obvious void here: a Canadian-French speaking Indonesian woman. We’re working on it.
But back to the current Benetton members. The three of us represent far more than just a Skittles rainbow of diversity flavor or the buffet options at any casino in Vegas. We represent the color of female bonding, dammit. What’s that look like? It’s kind of like the color of male bonding, only with more feelings and less spontaneous wrestling. All our wrestling is planned months in advance.
Here’s the thing. We have to be honest about the club, er, the movement, I mean. We have to recognize that some of us are more replaceable than others. Cough, cough, Knochers, cough. The fact that one of our members represents the majority, not a minority, kinda puts her post in jeopardy at times. Don’t worry, Asian Spice and I are quick to remind her of that whenever she vocalizes some of her outlandish Caucasian thoughts, like not getting the whole Oprah fascination or not being able to stomach sushi or not loving the headlock position we sometimes have to put her in.
In fact, at one point we threatened to hold auditions for her spot. Ya know, just in case she up and decided to one day do something that would turn Benetton on its head, like abandon her duties as a movie buff or turn her nose up at The Get Back and all its sweaty glory. Luckily it hasn’t come to that, but uh, if you’re blonde, blue-eyed and live in Vegas. …
The truth is, for the past year and a half the three of us have gabbed it up over power lunches at Sammy’s Woodfired Pizza, sobbed it up over sappy matinees and danced it up at the Beauty Bar on East Fremont Street. Benetton has given me what I was long missing in Vegas: girlfriends I truly love.
For that, I had to give these two their very own (overdue) Friend spot in The Characters of Starts with an X. Asian Spice’s is here and Knochers’ is here. Thanks, you two, for filling the void and enhancing the happiness in my life.