They Don’t Call it The Holy War for Nothin’
Posted By startswithanx on November 27, 2009
I know everyone says there isn’t a college football rivalry like theirs, but unless you grew up in Utah, you have no idea how intense, how deep seeded, how life-or-death, how for-the-love-of-God-give-me-a-fucking-win a college football rivalry can really get.
It’s referred to as The Holy War for a reason. Yes, there are Mormon Utes fans out there, but you will have as much luck finding a non-Mormon BYU fan as you would finding an openly gay teenager in Provo, Utah. Sure, they’re there, but not by choice. If you aren’t Mormon and you call yourself a BYU fan, it’s because your full-ride athletic scholarship wasn’t accepted at your first, second and 15th choice colleges. So, unfortunately for you, and your social life, for four years you had to act like the deluxe edition of Pictionary really did justify calling a dorm party a “rager.”
But, if you grew up in Utah as a Utes fan, you’d never have to worry about such ludicrousness. You might be shocked to learn this, but I speak from experience.
I became a Utah fan in second grade, the year my parents moved our family from a school with a lot of minorities to a school that had to ask if non-Mormons qualified as minorities. When I finally made a good friend at my new elementary school, her parents forbade her from sleeping over at my house because my parents weren’t Mormon and all non-Mormons drank alcohol and smoked cigarettes. I refer to my parents on this blog as Clair and Cliff Huxtable for a reason, people. The only drinking they did occurred at Sunday Mass and we got scolded for pretending a pen was a cigarette.
Me: But we’re Catholic; we go to church every Sunday.
Her: I know, but my mom says you go to the wrong church.
Me: But, you live right down the street. Your mom can just call my mom—
Her: —She won’t.
Me: But, my dad takes you to school every morning.
Her: Yeah, she would kill me if she knew that.
Did I mention my friend’s parents were die-hard BYU fans? A royal blue flag screaming so waved outside their home.
I knew shortly after that sleepover rejection that I was a Utes fan. In fact, I was a Utes fan before I even knew I was a Utes fan because, in Utah, rooting for red and white means far more than just which team you want to see win.
Make no mistake, I’m not the fan of my alma mater that Jake is of his. Not now and certainly not then. Who was the quarterback? Who cared. What was their record? Didn’t matter. Was the coach in danger of losing his job? Hell if I knew. All that mattered for me was that they won the Thanksgiving weekend game against the Cougars.
Considering Utah went 1-8 against BYU from 1984-1992, you can imagine how easy it was being a Utah fan at that time. But, I held on year after year. Sometimes I’d even do a little prayer in front of pro-BYU kids at school and finish with a sign-of-the-cross to really offend them. Then I would go to confession and tell the priest I prayed, not for a Utah win, but for a BYU loss and knew it was worth about five Hail Mary’s. That’s when the father would tell me I should’ve prayed harder, exposing a red and white Utah shirt under his gown.
It’s been a pretty evenly-matched season for both teams this year. Some debated whether Utah could’ve beat the number one University of Florida team last year so there wasn’t much suspense in the rivalry game in ‘08. This year’s a different story, though.
I would say “may the best team win” but I don’t care who the best team is, I just want the Cougars to get the garments spanked right off of them.
I doubt they wear Garments and those that do definitly do not during sports.
As a guy who has been on the wrong side of the Michigan State University, University of Michigan rivalry for too many years, I can really appreciate this game. Although every loss hurts, no loss hurts more than losing to those pansies from Ann Arbor. But more than with my beloved rivalry game, the Holy War is just as much about a culture clash with people who live side by side than anything related to football. It makes it all very interesting. Although I’ll be working, I’ll be wearing my red and white in spirit tomorrow. Go Utes!
Sorry, Sam but we do wear our Garments when we play sports and just as X wrote some of us even root for Utah!
hmmm Molly that is funny. What happened to the three S rule? My entire family wears garments. Swimming, Sex and Sports. Also cheers for U of U.
Unfortunately BYU won, but you know what that means? Blow jobs for everyone!!
at least it was a close game cuz blowouts are the worst! oh well byu can still suck it!
god I love that T-shirt!