An Education on Old People’s Behavior in Movies and Charlie’s Angels Pump a Tire
Posted By startswithanx on November 18, 2009
If you want to see a fantastic movie, catch “An Education.” If you want to see a fantastic movie, but don’t want to sit in a sea of senior citizens broadcasting a play-by-play of said movie, catch “An Education” when it comes out on DVD.
Asian Spice, Knochers and I all caught a matinee showing over the weekend. We arrived a little late because Knochers’ Jeep got a flat tire. … Matter of fact, that’s a good story, too, so let’s pause for a moment with this brief tangent:
So, we pull up to Chevron’s free air station (big ups to Chevron for not charging to provide a natural element, btw) and the three of us emerge from the car. Pretty sure it’s a one-person job, but we go about everything Charlie’s Angels style, as Asian Spice astutely pointed out. So, I had the duty of playing tug of war with the air compressor. Asian Spice had the job of squatting down in front of the tire and supervising my efforts with an occasional twist of the valve. Knochers’ job? Knochers’ job was to bend her knees to meet us at eye level, point to a sharp object penetrating her tire and say in that high, sweet Knochers’ voice: “I wonder what THAT is.”
Back to the movie:
We settle into the theater during the previews and do our best not to interrupt anyone’s movie experience. The three of us quickly realize we’re in the middle of what appears to be a field trip for a local old folks’ home. Senior citizens everywhere. Senior citizens who find loud chatter during movies perfectly acceptable.
Not loud whispers. Loud chatter. The same voice you use in your living room while watching Jeopardy.
Normally I would say something (as you read here and here), but considering this could be the last movie these people ever see, I can’t do it. Plus, I agree with most the shit they’re saying: “Stupid woman!”… “Yeah, right you will!” … “She could do so much better.” All said in a “where’s the beef?!” voice.
At one point the old lady sitting in front of us answered the question from the old lady sitting next to us. It was like we were being rude for not chiming in: “You wouldn’t let your granddaughter see this movie? Why not? Trust me, she’s probably fornicating as we loudly chatter during this movie.” That was really one of the conversations. The granddaughter seeing the movie, that is.
As the credits rolled and I sat wondering how these people behave in libraries and at funerals, Knochers turns to Asian Spice and reminds her that she refused her invitation to watch “New Moon” on premiere night because of all the annoying teenagers that would be in the theater.
I’ll say it for you, Asian Spice: Too. Shay.
I think there’s a point when you get old that you start thinking aloud. I really hope that doesn’t happen to me. It bugs.
Same thing happened to me when I went to see Harry Potter by myself one year. I apparently got stuck in a row in front of the local Senior Home’s field trip. The worst was the oxygen machines that kept clanking with each breath.
Unfortunately for us the youth of today will not be nearly as patient with us when we reach our golden years.
Irritating. Luckily, I only ever go to see movies in the middle of the workday (because, yes, I don’t have a job–you can all hate me now), and that very rarely and at the podunk theater the Small City near my house that doesn’t even have stadium seating. I mean, how 80s is THAT? But the fact that movies there cost a whole five bucks, I can get popcorn and soda for only four bucks, and I’ve never seen more than half a dozen other people in a theater with me . . . a fair trade for stadium seating, I’d say.
Knockers cracks me up. Older folk have the same effect.
i would rather have old people talking than crying kids. my friends and i are going to New Moon Saturday night. i am sure there will be a ton of annoying teenagers who will be bugging me…i better bring the flask
i agree with lizzie g, i can take old folks cuz at least they can enjoy the movie but an infant? that is ridiculous!
Haha it was HYSTERICAL. I thought I was going to DIE when the lady in front of us answered to the lady sitting next to us WITHOUT EVEN TURNING AROUND. As X mentioned, at times we were paying more attention to the peanut gallery than to the movie. I’ll let you know how New Moon goes on Friday. Oh, and I got that tire fixed
I HATE people who talk in theatres. I shoot eye-daggers at them but never work up the nerve to say anything. I just seethe and generally create a lot of bad karma for everyone involved.
Kudos to you for getting into the spirit of the thing. Must have been a really shitty movie.
I just want to be your 4th Charlie’s Angel. *sigh*