Posted By startswithanx on November 2, 2009

I can’t stand whores, no matter what day of the year it is, but on Halloween, I despise them. And, we all know they come out in droves on October 31. For anyone who didn’t know, a little nightclub at an off-the-Strip casino I visited Saturday night set out to remind them.

To put the club into perspective, you should know that Bobbie Brown hosted the night. Not Whitney’s ex, not the makeup artist, either. The Bobbie Brown whose claim to fame came in the form of a hair band video in which a piece of cherry pie lands on her vagina. You had to dig deep into the video catalog for that one, I know. Sorry to put you through that.

Anyway, at some point in the night a costume contest was announced. The entries are in the image at the top of this post. No, that’s not the line outside the health clinic.

Aside from the two on the right, I have no idea what the rest of those bitches “dressed up” as for Halloween. For anyone wondering, the one on the far left won first place and $666. Considering she came with one of the original members of Whitesnake, I have reason to doubt she was even in costume.

Before I share this next part I need to tell you what I went as for Halloween. My original idea was to go as a Douche Baguette, but that would’ve meant spending money on Ed Hardy gear and my style conscience refused to let that happen so I went with Plan B: a chola. For anyone living in an area in which you’ve never seen a lowrider bounce up and down — and not because it needed a tune-up — a chola is a Latina gangsta girl.

The costume: A button down shirt with only the very top button secure, a wife beater, khaki pants, a bandana used as a hair accessory, bangs teased into a rat’s nest, eyebrows so thin they need a protein shake and lips that look as if I mistook my black eyeliner for my lip liner. I referred to myself as La Sad Girl throughout the night and hoped not to run into any real gang members. (Pictured is the back of me chatting it up with Eazy-E, Kanye West and “a pimp,” all of whom were just as displaced in the hair band club as I.)

So, after watching the scariest costume contest ever, I make a beeline for the bathroom. Three drunk chicks are painting their faces at the sinks. All dressed as crack whores. One turns to me, looks over my costume and asks me a question.

Crack Whore #1: Um, what are you supposed to be?

Me: Really?

CW1: Blank stare.

Me: You seriously have to ask?

CW1: Well, I’d tell you but I don’t wanna get killed.

Me: Exactly!

Crack Whore #2: Duh! She’s a gang banger.

Me: Thank you.

CW2: (While sliding her hands down her body) But honey, you gotta wear something tight on Halloween. You gotta show off that ass! … You know? Look sexy!

Me: But that’s how I look every day.

That’s when Crack Whore #2 pointed her finger at me, lifted one eyebrow and slowly nodded her head up and down in an “I like where your head’s at” motion.

I think she had an epiphany at that very moment, but I can’t figure out what exactly. ANY GUESSES?

Categories: this happened