The Cauliflower Caper
Posted By startswithanx on August 12, 2009
After last weekend, the word “cauliflower” will never be the same for me.
Jake’s best friend, BMuttz (big ups to BMuttz!), got married in Michigan. Hands down the most fun I’ve ever had at a wedding. There was a priest, a rabbi, an atrium, filet mignon, red velvet cupcakes, an open liquor bar, a candy bar, 250 guests, a live band, HAWT bridesmaid shoes, the most elegant wedding gown you’ve ever seen, a guest’s dress that had us on areola-watch all night, too many lemon drop shots, Allen Iverson in the hotel lounge and, let’s see, what else? Oh yes, CAULIFLOWER.
As the groomsmen and bridesmaids awaited their big entrance into the reception, they passed time munching on cheese and crackers, grapes and strawberries, broccoli and cauliflower. An observant Jake picked up a cauliflower at one point and noted the close resemblance between the fluffy veggie and his boutonniere. Right here is where I think the room heard a loud “DING” as an energy efficient light bulb formed over my boyfriend’s head.
Jake: Hey! Let’s replace the plant (yes, he said plant. Not rose, not flower, but plant) on someone’s jacket with a cauliflower!
You could feel a breeze, the boredom left the room so quickly. He and his friends starting pointing to jackets that draped chairs, frantically asking who they belonged to. Turned out, the only one unclaimed belonged to the groom. The man that brought them all there. Jake’s best friend. The one he’s known since fourth grade and has regaled me with stories about since the day I met him: BMuttz.
I can at least tell you there was a pause when the groomsmen discovered whose jacket remained. Albeit brief, there was a definite pause.
After a couple minutes of depinning and repinning, and the whole time watching the door, the guys finally did it. Ta da! But, they decided the cauliflower alone needed something extra so they threw some B’s on it, B’s meaning baby’s breath, and called it good. Everyone played a part. Jake comforted himself by announcing to the room that he merely suggested the idea, nothing more.
Well into the reception, the groom had no idea he was sporting a boutonniere designed by vegans. To really pat themselves on the back for their stunt, his friends started yelling out “cauliflower” about as frequently as the other guests tapped their wine glasses with forks.
All that was great, but the joke reached its peak when BMuttz joined in on the prank and shouted out “CAULIFLOWER,” too. That’s when someone — we still don’t know who — took pity on the groom and let the cauliflower out of the bag.
Jake claims he got the silent treatment for a good couple hours. But I didn’t.
While my boyfriend was on his way to the after party, I was at the bar with BMuttz, who told me in between shots, how much he loved my boyfriend and all his little quirks. Like the fact he can’t ash a cigarette with his left hand so he does the ol’ over the shoulder ash when he’s driving. (How have I never noticed that?!) Remember the My Buddy doll? I swear I could hear the song that played on that commercial as he spoke.
A while later, we said our goodbyes to the bride and groom and Jake told me he almost teared up. So did I just watching those two hug it out. And then I remembered the cauliflower and busted up laughing. The same way I’ve been doing every day at work, on the road or as I finish a blog post about Jake’s best friend’s wedding.
That was a fantastic wedding. It was good to see all my old peeps again. It was great that X got along with them and they all seemed to really like her. As far as the cauliflower incident, I don’t know why I took so much heat for it. Like X wrote, I just hatched the idea and immediately felt guilty about it. When Bmuttz originally put on his jacket, he looked right at the cauliflower and didn’t notice. Judging by the pics, you can tell it’s really hard to tell unless you knew something was up.
Also, Bmuttz already walked down the aisle and took pics with the professional photographer before the cauliflower incident. So hopefully, when they look at any pics with the cauliflower, they can look back and laugh and not think we ruined their wedding.
I’m sure they will find it as hilarious as the rest of you did. Hey if this self centered Leo can get over a douche bag blowing out the candles on her birthday cake, Mr and Mrs Bmuttz will find humor in the cauliflower as well. Sounds like you had a fab time, and thanks for the pic of the restaurant with my name. It has officially replaced the Dharma Logo as the wallpaper on my cell phone…till January that is.
So. Effing. Awesome.
i love that he started yelling “cauliflower” too! classic. sounds like u all had a great time.
Hysterical. This is what (veggie) dreams are made of. We’ve missed you, X. Welcome back
Great post, X! As I write this from Costa Rica, I can only laugh at how long it took Jake to find his inner-creativity! Mad props to the ‘flower incident…and Jake, don’t be such a coward. Accept the blame and/or the credit! (No worries, neither of the Muttz’s are pissed….the pics look fantastic)
X, it was soooo great to get closer to you. You and Jake are great together and we loved every second of chilling with you guys. No shout outs to the EL or Buddys, though?! No worries, I know the white broccoli incident was tops!
Love you guys and miss you already….5 days was not long enough! Work on that lefty cig ash, kid.
AWWWWWW
Once many years ago, a colleague and I were in charge of a regional professional conference for a thousand attendees. Our theme (because it was hosted at a hotel in Tulsa, in the heart of Route 66) was “Get your kicks on Route 66.” I know. Not exactly original.
We made buttons for all the attendees with the conference theme and logo. But we also made about a dozen rogue buttons for the conference muckety-mucks that said “Get your licks on Route 69.”
And we pinned them on the the VIP jackets and never said a word — except to a small circle of compatriots who, like us, laughed their asses off through the whole conference.
BMuttz, I think I’m gonna have to put that in the best comment hall of fame. Now all I have to do is create the best comment hall of fame.
No seriously, though, the fact you took time from all the zip lining, tropical cocktail drinking and, um, consummating, to leave a comment is just awesome.
We love and miss you guys, too! Can’t wait to see pics and hear about your wonderful honeymoon!
(Oh, and there will no doubt be other Michigan posts. C’mon, did you really think I wouldn’t mention the half court cork shot? LOL!)
Oh man. I hope the bride is one of those cool chicks and not a bridzilla who will hate the fact that her wedding photos are sportin’ veggies.
The cauliflower story is great! But, I LOVE your description of the wedding. A candy bar, areola-watch, and lemon drop shots? Get! Out! This sounds like an amazing group of friends/people and a truly memorable occasion. Jake’s “plant” comment is… cute.
oh my gosh that is awesome! I maybe have to try this out at the next wedding we go to!
X for you and your followers here is a link to some of our pictures from our photographer. The ones in the chair are cauliflower bound….enjoy!
http://www.arraephotography.com/
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