I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but I’m about as organized as the speckles on a Pollack painting. New ideas, check lists and just plain old logical thoughts run amok in this head of mine. Sometimes I imagine my brain to look something like the Running of the Bulls. Only not as tame.
So, it was no surprise when I couldn’t remember the last time I popped a birth control pill. I knew I was forgetting something between moisturizing and flipping on the “Today” show, but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I guess it could be worse. I could be saying I knew there was something between putting the car seat on the roof and peeling out of the driveway.
Anyway, I call the pharmacy to get a refill and discover I’m past due on my annual Gyno visit. And you know how that goes: No pap, no pill.
Two hours later I’m in my Gyno’s cherry wood-furnished personal office because he consults his patients before appointments. What a guy. A personal touch before the other personal touch. Honestly, I don’t know which is more uncomfortable: the cold tongs or the small talk before them.
I tell the doc the deal on the pills and he reminds me about Nuvo Ring, the birth control that accommodates the forgetful. It’s this little rubbery lookin’ thing that reminds me of those windshield protectors you use in the summer that come in two’s. You bend and insert the bad boy in the vadge, let it hybernate three weeks before removing it, wait a week and then do it all over again with a new one.
(Then you interview men to make sure they’re Nuvo Ring-worthy.)
As he’s explaining, I remember he told me about the contraption last time and offered to insert it after my pap. Not a bad idea, I decide — on both the vaginal windshield protector and the professional insertion.
Me: “Yeah, I think I’ll do it.”
He goes on to explain why I’ll like it so much, not to forget the removal the Monday after Christmas, blah, blah, blah.
Gyno: “OK, anything else?”
Me: “Yeah, do you think you can put it in me?”
He looked at me for a long second, looking a little confused. Then, he asked the kind of question that made me look at him for a long second, looking A LOT confused.
Gyno: “Oh, you mean the Nuvo Ring?”