If You Want a Stripper, I’ll Give You a Stripper
Posted By startswithanx on October 6, 2008
Jake went to a strip club over the weekend. I knew he’d go because he went to a wedding and the bachelor party was a couple days before the guy’s big day.
Prior to the weekend, my rule on strip clubs was that they’re permitted ONLY during a bachelor party. From there, the rules got tricky. Should there be a “no lap dance” clause added? Perhaps an amendment to the rule that prohibits full nude strip clubs? It was a tough one that I never quite knew exactly how to handle.
Well, I decided before he left that a lap dance would be OK and I told him as much. But, I discovered, it was in vain because my dear Jake told me that such a thing doesn’t interest him in the least. Save the permission, he informed me, because he’d never get a lap dance. He’s just not that kind of guy. He loves me too much to disrespect me like that. And on and on until I had no choice but to clobber him with kisses then run and tell my friends what a too-good-to-be-true boyfriend I have.
Cue the pie in the face.
He got a lap dance. I’m upset. He doesn’t understand why.
I got to thinking over the weekend about this whole strip club thing. Why do women convince themselves that it’s OK? Why is it the “cool girlfriend/wife” thing to do to let your man have his nose rubbed in silicone and his erect penis grinded by a near-naked ass? Isn’t that considered, by most definitions, cheating? Because there’s a money exchange it’s supposed to be OK? Someone explain to me why.
I have a new rule concerning strip clubs. Going to them is fine. Sitting in a chair and watching the pole dancers is fine. Paying for a lap dance, even 20 lap dances, is fine. But I’m a firm believer in tit for tat, pardon the pun.
Every time my boyfriend enters a strip club, FROM NOW FORWARD, I vow to do the following:
I will call a man over to my house. I will provide alcohol. I will play loud music. I will strip down to nothing but a thong and clear heels. I will straddle him. I will put my rack, and you’ve all heard how fabulous it is, in his face. I will rub my ass against his penis. And just when he thinks his luck is over, I will invite him into a private room. To make him feel real special, I’ll call it something like, um, oh, I’ve got it! — the V.I.P. room.
If you think I’m kidding, you don’t know me.
If you think it’s unfair, PLEASE EXPLAIN THE DIFFERENCE.
When my now husband went to my brothers bachelor party at a strip club I said no lap dances. I couldn’t say don’t go because I would never hear the end of it from my brother. I wasn’t particulary thrilled with the idea but I said there wasn’t a reason why he should pay a chick to dance on him. Well he went and watched. All the guys said they would pay for him to get a lap dance but he wasn’t all that interested in getting one. He said most of the girls weren’t good looking only a few were. After the guys came home I heard a couple of them went into the VIP room and from what I hear they got more than just a lap dance.
There really isn’t any difference. Except I’m pretty sure Jake would enjoy your version better.
I have that little green devil in me as well; the one that takes over all rational thought and makes me crazy with jealousy…but for some unknown reason I’m okay with the strip club, it’s never bothered me. Although I’m not as “cool” when it comes to going to an average nightclub. I believe more damage can be done to a relationship at a nightclub instead of a strip club. Maybe it’s because I assume that the strippers are just trying to make a dime and really have no interest past that in my man, but at the nightclub scandalous bitches just don’t give a f***. They will go after your man no holds barred even if they know he’s already spoken for.
EquisBuffy aka Venus: How is it any more irrational then a guy going and having all of that done TO him?
I often go between this feeling of “be the cool girlfriend” and “how dare he”….I am def leaning towards your view
X – It’s possible I would feel differently about it if I lived in a state where they actually allowed lap dances at the strip clubs. I think it would depend on the guy whether or not that would bother me.
I disagree with this outright. I do have a penis, and I think that women are only good for 3 things:
1. Cooking
2. Cleaning
3. Vagina
-That is all, with penis out!
db or should I just call you “Jake’s friend,”
Did you list those in any particular order? And, why exactly is the penis out again?
I think what you are upset about is that he said he wouldn’t because of how he feels about you, and then he did it anyway. Yeah, I’d be mad too. Was he the one that told you he got the lapdance? Because you just might never have found out, and it wouldn’t matter. So if he’s the one who told you, at least he was honest.
MJ doesn’t go to strip clubs ever because he freaks out about strange (and what he considers nasty) women sticking their stuff in his face, when 9 out of 10 of them aren’t really very pretty, just semi naked. I don’t want him to go to strip clubs either, but mostly because they cost money. It’s a non-issue around here.
WOW! I was just talking about this with X last week. My rules are:
1. you can only go to a strip club if it’s a bachelor party
2. you can only get a lapdance if it is not paid by you (that takes care of the money issue)
3. There will be no entering into the VIP aka Champagne room
4. and MOST importantly- you must SHOWER for an hour before getting into bed with me after your night of disgusting debauchery.
I also agree with X that if any of these rules are broken that I may give a lap dance to whomever I choose.
p.s. if you are over the age of 21 you may not go to an ALL NUDE!!!
Back when I first got married, my then-new husband asked if it was okay that he go to his rugby team’s end-of-year party, an event that always featured a stripper. I thought it was pretty cool of him to ask, and I wanted to be cool with it, so I said sure, go ahead! Then I did a total about-face after that and said no more strippers. Although a strip club doesn’t bother me as much as the idea of a stripper in some dude’s apartment. I also got revolted when I heard that the strippers did an additional, um, “performance” involving a whiskey bottle for an extra 50 bucks or something. THAT I found incredibly disturbing.
But this is no longer an issue, since the closest strip club is 60 miles away. And that is just fine with me.
X, I totally see where you’re coming from. And it doesn’t make it any better since Jake gave you the whole too-good-to-be-true boyfriend speech. (If he would’ve left that whole part out…you probably would be so pissed). I’ve never been “OK” or the “Cool Girlfriend” when it came to strip clubs. In my relationship it was more like a phase for mr.davila. Now (after getting married for the 2nd time and 10 years later…LOL!) he knows going to the strip club is a No-No. (I’m knocking on wood.)
P.S. It’s stories like mrs. salas and kristin said that make me not cool about the stripper thing. I’ve always thought that if a guy has a girl at home that’s willing to take all of her clothes off and even have sex with him, why in hell would he need to go somewhere and pay for it?
After that speech? I’d be pissed! But I’m with Heather; if he’s the one who told you, at least he was honest… As for your new rules; you said it, sistah. I couldn’t agree more.
Yeah…my biggest disappointment would be having the ‘I respect you too much’ talk being turned into a bunch of smoke being blown up my ass.
I don’t care about strippers or strip clubs. My lack of caring is not about trying to be ‘cool’. I just really couldn’t give a shit.
And…luckily Hellbilly (my husband) isn’t interested.
Perhaps I would change my tune if he was? Don’t know and have to admit I’m not going to start recommending he goes to one just to see how I would feel about it.
So X – how does Jake feel about the new rules???
Oh and I agree with AsianSpice on the 1 hour shower comment – HOWEVER – them crabs can jump!!!!!! ewww
it’s good to know where you stand… and that you are willing to say it
Cue the pie in the face. Hilarious. I don’t have any genius on this one. Strip clubs are pretty much a non-factor for me. I could take them or leave them.
I was hoping to see Jake’s comment in here. Hmmm… I don’t know, X. You did say it was ok. But really, guys, here’s the deal. No girl wants you to WANT the lapdance. We want you to go “Ew gross” and then sneak off to the parking lot to call us and tell us that you miss us and wish you weren’t at a stupid strip bar.
P.S. Oh and note to self: Never piss off Ms. X.
*sigh* I have ZERO issue with strippers as you know from my previous comment about how much I hump Olympic Garden. But I am a rare breed – I enjoy strip clubs (only those with female dancers. Male dancers are a waste of time.) So … I am fascinated by ’sub cultures’, if you will, and I watch and take note and revel in this underworld. I actually think strip CLUBS are about 1000 safer than ‘ordering’ up some private ‘dancers’ to your hotel room – those bitches are escorts/prostitutes/provide a sex side show and will do ANYTHING with ANYONE for a dolla dolla bill.
Yes, there is a thin line between watching the nekkidness and partaking in said lap dance and I agree with everyone else …. Jake’s BIGGEST, STUPIDEST move was putting his pie en su boca and saying he wouldn’t get a lap dance because he loves/respects you. Clearly when he doesn’t hold up his side of the bargain, any logical human would say …. “Oh, somewhere after leaving the house and getting to OG, you lost respect for me. Thanks jerkface. I’m gonna go fuck the poolboy now.” It’s a recipe for disaster and he started it.
The only logical reaction is to wear the leopard print dress he hates so much, head back to that bar from last weekend and start ‘charging’ for your time.
Sorry you’re so upset, as you have right to be. xoxox
eh, once AGAIN I am the outlier. I disagree with Caroline (for ONCE!) I think it’s hot to be turned on by the stripper, come home, shower and get to exert that sexuality with the one you love and trust. It’s only human nature guys, and I think if we take a look at the history of male-female relationships, jealously, ‘ownership’ and unfair expectations are ruining relationships left and right.
But what do I know? I”m single
Arrggh- there are so many issues here that I think I might blog about this myself. My issue is that a man who participates in the exploitation of women is no friend of mine. If he holds women in such low regard (see db above), then I don’t want to be with him. End of story.
I’ve got to get me some clear heels.
lol – i need me some clear heels too. (and a tummy tuck and a breast reduction and some lipo -hahahaha)
[...] fellow blogger recently posted about her hurt and outrage at her husband for going to a strip club and buying [...]
Not only is it different, it’s the opposite. What would be the same is if you went to a male strip club, and had some strang man give YOU a lap dance.
1) When Jake goes to a strip club, he is not pulling out his tackle and wagging it about, he is the audience. If you have a man over and give him a lap dance, you are the stripper, not the audience. Thus, you’re in the opposite role.
2) If you invite a man over, you are having someone in your space. When Jake goes to a strip club, he is in a public place where there are limits, and plenty of bouncers around to enforce those limits.
3) Although it looks different on the outside, a stip club is to a man what a super drippy romantic movie is to a woman. “The Notebook” is simply a Justler Club for women. My point? It’s fantasy. Nothing more. When you watch a sappy movie, you get emotionally involved, you have your feelings of love and loss activated, and it simulates, in a sense, the feeling of being in an intimate relationship, albeit emotional, rather than physical. The same is true of a strip club. Men go there to be exposed to something that stimulates a fantasy. When he comes home, it’s over.
I think that his mistake was to tell you that he wasn’t going to get a lap dance, and then going ahead and doing it. But you should be overjoyed that he told you, instead of keeping it a secret. This means that he trusts you, and he trusts you to trust him. Most women should be so lucky.
As for one of the comments above, I don’t think that going to a strip club could be considered a blanket offence against women – it doesn’t suggest that women aren’t worty of respect. It’s a simple transaction between willing parties. God knows the stripper is making some pretty good money – I used to know a woman that put herself through law school, and had about $250,000 left over once she graduated. I think that the stripper exploits the customer just as much as the other way around. In the end, everybody’s happy.
So, final point: when he goes to a strip club, go with him. It might be better than you think.
wow Simon-you are completely off if you think going to a strip club is the same as watching a romantic movie. mainly because ryan gosling isn’t rubbing his dick all over me in a dry hump when i watch “The Notebook”. which is why just going to a strip club isn’t as bad as a lap dance but it is still bad because it most certainly exploits women. would you be okay with your mother/sister/wife/daughter stripping? i’m gonna assume no. and why? because it is exploitative.
Simon – I call bullshit!
#1 Going to a Male strip club is nothing like going to a female strip club. For one all the men are gay that does nothing for us women. If on the other hand all the women in a female strip club were lesbians this would only enhance the man’s viewing pleasure.
#2 If X were to go to an average night club with her girls and have a random man grind all up on her with nothing but a cocksock on this would be a more comparable experience to the female strip club
#3 Getting a lapdance is NOTHING like going to see a romantic comedy. If George Clooney jumped off the screen and shaked his dick in my face that might be a different story, but unfortunately for us girls not the case.
#4 The strippers in some cases do make decent money but in more cases than not the funds go up there nose. A good majority of strippers support some sort of habit that actually enables their ability to continue to dance, it’s their way of coping with being objectified.
I went to an all nude strip club with Brad once just to see what it was like. I didn’t think it was a big deal. It didn’t even bother me in the least when one of the dancers grabbed his face and rubbed it on her boobs. In fact, I was offered a lap dance, which I thought was weird. But it’s different for everyone, and every man should respect his wife / girlfriend’s views on the subject. I do think that if a man approaches his SO about going to a strip club she ought to go herself, at least once, to see what it’s really like.
I think it’s funny that people assume since I don’t like strip clubs that I’ve never been. Um, I’ve been to plenty, the full nude, the ones that require pasties, the ones that are nothing but lap dances — all of them. In fact, two of my nearest and dearest friends (who are on The Characters page, but I won’t identify) either are strippers today or have been at one point.
My opinion on strip clubs was shaped by the things I’ve witnessed myself and the stories my “dancer” friends have shared with me.
And Simon, I’m sorry, but you sound very chauvinistic. Comparing strip clubs to romance films? Come on, you can do better than that. You may as well have compared it with baking a cake. Oh, and strip clubs have rules? Yeah and rules, especially in an atmosphere like that, have never been broken, right? I could write an entire post about the nastiness that ensues in the VIP room, even on stage, at strip clubs.
Call BS if you want. Venus, going to a strip club is going to a strip club, whether you’re a man or a woman, striaght or gay. Anyone who goes to a strip club projects what they want to onto the stripper, not the other way around. Your argument about gay strippers is immaterial to the topic at hand.
On the other hand, stripping for a stranger, alone in your house, is not the same as going to a strip club and having someone else strip for you in public. There is no chaperone, there are no limits, there is a power differential because of the potential for victimization and violence. Say what you want, but that’s the fact – there is stripping, and there is watching. Completely different.
I understand that it feels good to draw non-existant paralels between to moral inequivalencies. It makes us feel better to see any two things that are related, and place them on the same moral plane. But think of it like this: would you rather have your man at a public strip club getting a lap dance, or giving a lap dance to a woman in your own home while you are away? They aren’t even close. Now, all you have to do is erase gender from that equation, and you see that a man going to a strip club and a woman stripping for a man alone in the house while her boyfriend is away are completely different.
Also, the romantic movie vs. strip club thing is a comparison based on how men and women tend to differ in their participation in fantasy of the other sex. You’re welcome to disagree, but one is a fantasy that involves looking at a body of a stranger to whom you have no emotional connection, the other involves sharing the emotions of a character that was written specifically to entice the viewer and raise feelings of empathy and closeness. Both are fantasies. They are just different expressions of the desire to connect with another human – one is a physical fantasy, one is an emotional fantasy. In the grand scheme of things, only our societally entrenched values related to sexual contact make them any more than significantly different.
As for the generalizations about strippers being drug addicts… this may be true, but it has no bearing on my point. I’ve known a handful of strippers, and some of them did drugs. Some of my other non-stripper friends have also done drugs. Strippers do coke. Businessmen do coke. So do rock stars. It makes no difference to the point I was making, which is that one person supplies a service, the other person pays for it. Heck, the money might go up their (not there) noses, but it also might go to supporting a child, caring for a sick parent, or paying a mortgage. What a stripper spends the money on is irrelevant in this discussion.
And to the point raised by Ms. Me. If my wife/sister/mom wanted to be a stripper, that is her business, not mine. Isn’t feminism the notion that women can do whatever the hell they want, without a man telling them what to do? That’s how I see it. And I consider myself a post-modern feminist. Anybody is free to do what they want to do. Want to be a housewife? Real estate mogul? Professional athlete? Stripper? Bus driver? Go right ahead. I’m not the person to tell anyone what she can and can’t do. So yes, if my sister wants to strip, I say go for it, and enjoy that cash.
I would oppose it only inasmuch as I oppose my own stripping. Although I have no moral qualms with stripping, I am aware of the real-life risks that it entails, including but not limited to bodily harm, stalkers, loss of respect, or exposure to unsavory practices and people. I don’t think that the risks that it would create for me would be enough to justify it. Also, I’m a bit tubby around the middle, so no one would hire me. BUT, if they wanted to hire me, I’d decline. I feel the same way about my sister/mom/wife/random person on the street. I don’t think that it’s a great decision for some people to be strippers, because of the inherent risks involved. It’s obviously not for everyone. But it is not my place to tell anyone what she can and can’t do with her body.
So hmmph!
Simon, stripping is really sad and a sad way to earn a living. These ladies don’t want to be stripping for a living hence the person that you know that was doing it to pay for law school. I don’t know your friend but the majority of these women were either abused physically or mentally and feel that they are not “worthy” of a real job or happiness. No self respecting woman would strip.
Asian Spice… The statement that “no self respecting woman would strip” depends entirely on your definition of self respect. I think that what you meant was that no woman who shares your values would strip. And that’s fine. Being a stripper isn’t for everyone, just like being a garbage collector, doctor, facility manager, or book editor.
My friend Monique has as much self respect as anyone I know (at least by my definion of self respect), and she stripped for years. Even after she graduated from law school. She was an environmental lawyer, and may still be for all I know. She was on a team that went after Exxon. Monique was a strong woman. No one would tell her what she could and couldn’t do. Smart, tough, and yes, very pretty to boot. I wish I had done as well in my life as she did.
Simon – Yada, yada, yada. I beg to differ the two experiences are never the same. My nipples will not get hard nor will my clit stand at attention if a gay man, or straight for that matter, vibrates his ass cheeks or swings his dick in my face. When a woman does this to a man he is doing whatever he can to avoid busting a nut then and there. In some cases they do this with some assistance in the privacy of the “Champagne Room”. Stripping is a legalized form of prostitution. But you will probably argue that prostitution is still a matter of choice for both parties.
Kudos though for honoring a woman’s right to choose!
Simon, I was getting ready to counter you when you did it for me. “If you erase gender …” Gender is an essential part of this argument. Jake is a man. I am a woman. As the man, he was getting a lap dance. As the woman, his stripper was giving him a dance. To recreate the scene, I would play the part of the woman and my “guest” would play the part of the man.
Oh, and the argument that supporting stripping or prostitution is post modern feminist of you or your friends is such BS. Self-degradation does not a feminist make.
Yes, Venus, I think that prostitution should be legalized. It would certainly reduce the risk of abuse that is currently a plague in that racket. I guess you could call me a social libertarian in that sense.
And I do realize that women generally don’t get aroused by strip clubs like men do. That is why I made my point about how men and women experience fantasies about the opposite sex in different ways. It’s biological. But I still maintain that gay/straight has nothing to do with it.
And X, you’re right. Rules will always be broken. Fact of life, that. But still, you’re creating a moral equivalency between viewing a stripper and being a stripper, which are very different. And I may be wrong on this as my self-perception could be incorrect, but I think that chauvinistic is just about as poor a descriptor as you could use to describe me.
Iron my shirt! Or don’t! Maybe I’ll iron my own shirt! Maybe I’ll iron yours while I’m at it! (apologies to Hillary Clinton)
X,
I beg to differ. I think that anyone is welcome to degrade him or herself, gender aside. You may degrade yourself if you want. So can I. I’m sure that if we were going to, we’d choose different ways to do it. Some women might degrade themselves by stripping, even if they don’t reeeeally want to. I would also degrade myself if I chose to be a stripper. Or, if I got a job working for the Republican National Party. Or if I stole, cheated, or did anything else that was contrary to my moral system. That is degradation.
But just as I think that anyone anyone ANYONE has the right to degrade him or herself, I think that anyone can follow their own path of righteousness or glory. It’s only when you go against your own sense of morality or self worth that you are degrading yourself. Sure, some strippers are doing just that. Even the muscle dudes in the banana hammocks. My point is that some are not degrading themselves. They are doing exactly what they want to do.
We could go big on this, and discuss how the objectification of women is a bigger problem, as it has effects on societal perceptions, blah blah blah. I think that you and I would end up on the same side of that argument. My point is more on a personal and individual level.
Anyway, I’m off to home. I have a copy of “The Notebook” from Netflix waiting for me. I friggin’ LOVE that movie.
I agree with Simon there. I think that it’s completely individual. While it sounds like it’s not good for your and your boyfriend’s relationship, it doesn’t harm my husband’s and mine. (I actually have attended with him once.) I do disagree with the idea that stripping has done any harm to our society as a whole, and I certainly think that it’s played little role in the way our culture is now fairly “sexed up”. There’s always been prostitution, and stripping began in the very late 1890s.
Anyway, if my husband were to say that he wasn’t going to, and then did anyway (and I had an issue with it, of course), I’d be one peeved woman! Even in that atmosphere, he should’ve exercised control. After telling you what he did? Oh, hell no!
Interesting discussion. I live in The Netherlands and I know nobody who ever went to a strip club. In our culture such clubs are for losers. We have strippers over here of course, which you can pay to come over to parties, but luckily my man is scared of them. He wouldn’t even go to his own bachelor party if it would involve stripping. It’s such a sad way of entertainment.
Back to topic: You have every right to be mad, because he broke his promise. But he was brave enough to be honest. Ask him why he broke his promise. Was the strip club different than he thought. Didn’t he dare to say no? Was it peer pressure? Give him some room to fully explain.
I realize I’m a bit late to the party but for all the men that claim stripping is ok and not a problem, just suggest to them that their wives, daughters, sisters, mothers, quit those humdrum minimum wage jobs they are in and go to the glamorous world of stripping to raise some cash. Since there is nothing wrong with the job I can’t see how any man could object if close friends and family do the work.
I suggested this to a guy I worked with and to give him some credit after thinking of his daughter earning her money this way he decided to stop going to strippers himself.
i find it very interesting that simon forgot to mention how he would feel about his daughter stripping. the key word here is FEEL. regardless of a person being grown and fully capable of doing what they want with their bodies because everyone has a right to choose, yada, yada, yada. knowing what strippers do, knowing their environment, and knowing the inherent risks involved, would you really be okay in your heart with your daughter or mother doing this for a living? that, sir, was my point. i am not about to go picket a strip club or throw rotten tomatoes at a woman because she chose that lifestyle. i fully see your argument that not all strippers are mentally/emotionally damaged but those women are few and far between, and that is why stripping and prostitution is a sad, sad business.
Here via xup, and I just had to leave a comment. My rules about strip clubs are much simpler: Go even once and we are through. Period. Because a man who is happy to participate in the degradation of women is no man at all.
wow – well said citizen of the world.