I’m An Only Child — For Three Days
Posted By startswithanx on October 3, 2008
Jake is going out of town this weekend for a wedding. It just so happens the madre, Clair as you know her, is coming in for a visit. I’ve asked her and Cliff to stay at my place for the weekend.
You have no idea what this means for me. It means I will finally have the only child experience I’ve always fantasized about.
When I talk, there won’t be three other LOUD voices interrupting. When I eat, there won’t be three other plates to fill. When I ask for money, there won’t be three other hands reaching for it. When I sleep, the parents won’t have three other brats to tuck in. Yeah, I said tuck in. Is that weird at 31 years old?
Here are a few of the things I plan to do while the folks are here. All of them are things I couldn’t do growing up, because I had siblings.
- Put food in the fridge and find it waiting for me in the morning.
- Go to the bathroom without taking the remote with me.
- Return from the bathroom to an empty seat.
- Play a board game without the rules getting pulled out. Ahem, Venus!
- Stay up really late without sending cute little Serena to ask if it’s OK.
- Not complain once about how favored Chet is.
- Go to my friend’s house without having to take Serena with me.
- Talk on the phone without three anxious voices interrupting me.
- Not have to sneak into Venus’ room and steal her clothes cuz I have four times the amount I used to.
- Take the “Keep Out” sign off my door.
** A few observations from last night: When are we going to get a “Jeeperz!” out of Palin? Is Biden freakin’ hot or is it just me? Why was Palin’s baby up at 11 p.m.? When is a pundit going to count how many questions she actually answered versus how many questions were asked?
I think its just you.
Biden? Hot? WHAT?! The man’s forehead is completely immobile! He’s had more work done than Cher! Okay, so no one’s had more work done than Cher, but still.
Palin may not have said jeepers, but she said “darn right” several times. And she winked. And smirked. At the camera. That’s about the time I decided I’d rather be sleeping and went to bed.
OK. Thank you. I’ve thought Biden was hot since something like 1995. It’s like you’ve just put me on some version of ‘This Is Your Life’…
I would be sitting there in my chair on your stage and you would say, “Mongoliangirl, we have a special person who would like to say hello.”
And from behind the curtain I would hear, “Mongoliangirl, I want to thank you for all of your wonderful support over the years. Especially when you told everyone how great I was after I tanked in Iowa. I’ve always loved you for all of your belief in me.”
And I could jump up and give Joe a giant hug and tell him how fuckin’ hot he is!
Oh…uh…sorry. Was that all out loud?
Uh…have a great time being the one and only!
You forgot “when is Palin going to answer a fucking question?” Oh wait, no you didn’t. I just thought it should be said again. Maverick my ass.
Uh, sorry but no. Biden=NOT hot. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit on that one.
I was an only child for almost 6 years and then my parents had a passel of kids. Can you imagine the trauma???
I couldn’t agree more – that baby should have been home in bed. Seriously, if I wanted to watch someone recite their lines I would have gone to the theater. How about you answer the questions, Sarah? Or do you just not understand them enough to form an original thought?
Have fun being an only child!