As an adult, getting the Facebook friend request from the woman who birthed you is probably the teenage equivalent of having her chaperone prom. You want to drink the spiked punch, talk ish about the queen’s dress and enjoy the theme song from under the bleachers, but … um … SHE’S watching. How can you engage in anything bad, aka FUN, when SHE’S watching. That’s kind of how I felt when I got a friend request from Clair about a month ago.
There I was, checking out people’s pictures from the weekend, offering my thumbs up when justified, rolling my eyes at all the passive-aggressive updates from the girls who need anti-depressants, contemplating deleting the douche baguettes – ya know, the usual. Then, I notice a new friend request and anxiously click on the icon. I see that familiar, comforting face that always made it all better and instantly go into Mee Mee Moo Moo Land. I love you, Mami. Sing me a song.
Uh, WTF? What’s the madre doing on Facebook? Shouldn’t she be trying to figure out dial-up or asking someone to help program her VCR? Sheeeeeeeiiiit, I got bamboozled (that was for you Asian Spice) by my own ageism. The thing is, I had that feeling you got as a teenager when you heard keys in the front door and the liquor cabinet was open. Do not ask me why. First of all, Clair reads this blog. Any chances of passing myself off as one of those dignified, self-respecting kind of daughters are pretty much destroyed. Second, it’s not like I’m all over Facebook in my whipped cream bikini and declaring my mayorship of The Green Door via Foursquare. Once I told myself all that — and not a second sooner — I clicked “accept.”
One month later and I’ve hardly noticed any activity from the woman. In fact, I find myself wishing she would throw up a self-taken pic of her and Cliff’s faces real close together or “like” Jesus Christ or update her status with something about how she wishes her daughter could be a little more civilized, like that Chelsea Clinton. Ya know, so I can see her face and go into Mee Mee Moo Moo Land again. But no, she’s too busy living her fabulous retired life to bother with Facebook. Either that or she’s doing all that stuff on her Twitter account.